tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2009-11-10:/MokoFeed2009-11-10T11:06:11+01:00tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2009-10-16:/2009/10/16/babble-and-some-hope-7180691/tuso692009-10-16T12:20:35+02:002009-10-16T12:20:35+02:00 <p>It’s been sometime now since I have had any substantial thoughts in my mind, these days it’s just like wintry smoggy morning, difficult to decipher, things get lost before I can catch up with them. That too when you don’t have enough sparks and may be I am asking for a little bit more </p> <p>But last night I happen to listen to this song, which provoked me to think a bit more. Yes like most others I love music, most times it has an impact on me even now or may be more so now, that I am going to turn the fateful 40.</p> <p>The song was from a hind film of yester years, sung by Rafi sahab, it made me feel something which I could not explain for a while, and much later I realized it was romance, Yes romance fast disappearing from most of our lives, many of us are minting money just by guiding and helping us to find it through various ways. These days the lyrics are simple and I like that but most of the times it is too direct and open and definitely that does nothing for romance cause its all about waiting just before the flower blooms. In my day to day life I am like one of those dry nuts, and I am not even sure when I turned into that one, but lilting melody, moving lyrics, rather swaying lyrics effects me to such an extent that my heart and soul (and may be even my gut) transforms into this feminine, coquettish, almost like those who can leave the men burning.</p> <p>I have often wondered if that is the real me and I am too chicken to admit it cause The truth is none of us know what happens after such a whirlwind of romance. (As it is there is so little chance of getting a compatible partner, and even if you don’t get one and you are left, basically romancing yourself) What happens next? (1st rule of romance don’t think far ahead, and don’t ask too many questions in fact don’t think too much) But does that deter me? No sir I am always popping with questions? And trying to answer them </p> <p> Well may be (ok who am I kidding) obviously hearts do get broken, but at 40 I am not so sure if that’s so bad, cause its better to have a broken heart than a tight fisted one, At least something would pass through.</p> <p>So here I am still waiting for romance in its entire embodiment to pass through mine, with Hope instead of Cynicism.</p> <p>By the way the song was “ Apke Haseen rukh pe aj naya nur hai, mera dil machal gaya to mera kya kasoor hai”</p> <p> Its from the film : ‘Baharein fir bhi ayengi”</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2009/10/16/babble-and-some-hope-7180691/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2009-07-30:/2009/07/30/of-ires-and-fumes-6616070/tuso692009-07-30T08:56:05+02:002009-07-30T08:56:05+02:00 <p>Quite some time back I had seen this movie, probably name ‘par fume’ where a psychotic man with an extraordinary power to smell was trying to capture the individual essence of human beings.</p> <p>These days we use lot of cosmetics pertaining to smell, there are musk deodorants, colognes, perfume sprays etc and most young people I find use them in a profuse manner. Strong, pungent, floral, fruity, aromas keep on lingering in the air much after they have walked past you.<br> Most times I am left pinching my nose but that’s cause I am allergic to smell, rarely am I mesmerized by the same.</p> <p> Bu t it does make me wonder why when most of us are struggling to find and establish our own identity and would rather be an individual than be a part of the human mass we try to hide our own essence behind man made chemical aromas. The obvious answer would be body odour especially living in the hot and humid tropics like ours. Still I feel at the corner of my heart that it all goes a little beyond BO.</p> <p>Could it be that while we try to find our quintessence we also try to hide it from the world and that could be a phenomenon deeply rooted within all of us no matter how much we resist being alike.</p> <p>Being in your skin is truly getting to be so difficult in this age of ‘Product Hypes”</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2009/07/30/of-ires-and-fumes-6616070/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2009-07-02:/2009/07/02/things-that-i-found-out-6435347/tuso692009-07-02T09:20:40+02:002009-07-02T09:20:40+02:00 <p>Recently I read this interview of a Bengali actress who has in the recent past shifted her base from Calcutta to Mumbai, divorced her 1st husband and is presently living with a much younger man. I know nothing is new about this phenomenon; it’s called the cougar behavior, and is presently becoming a trend with older and bolder women of new age. What struck me was where she mentioned that she had to take and make real effort towards living her life only for herself; in fact she said that the reason she is with the younger guy is because for the first time in her life there was this other person who consciously made her his priority.</p> <p>Somehow that was refreshing cause most Indian women don’t priorities their own lives, usually the child or the husband comes first and only when she becomes the mother in law she expects that her daughter in law should put her first rather than herself completing this vicious circle.</p> <p>If truth were told most of us would rather receive than give, but then you can merely be content and satisfied when you get but you are truly happy only when you can and do give willingly. </p> <p>On further pondering over the interview I realized that Love, Marriage, Motherhood these are windows that provide us with an opportunity to give, and yes we are willing, at least initially cause guess what ‘Love is always about giving’. But the problem with giving is that we always expect something back and quite naturally so, and when our expectations are not met that’s when we are disappointed and unhappy.</p> <p>So how does one cope with this dilemma? </p> <p>I am not absolutely sure, infact I don’t know how and where life stands without ‘expectations’. I slept on that for a while and discovered that may be if we counter expectations with faith; there might lay a narrow path towards salvation.</p> <p> It is the faith that there will always be returns. It might not be from the familiar place, where our expectation lies but from other shores that we may not be even aware of.</p> <p>Any other suggestions and comments are greatly welcomed</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2009/07/02/things-that-i-found-out-6435347/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2009-06-08:/2009/06/08/do-you-believe-in-the-unknown-6260288/tuso692009-06-08T06:34:57+02:002009-06-10T08:09:40+02:00 <p>When I was about 8 years old, the most frequently asked question by me to others was, ‘Do You Believe in ghosts?’. The answers were varied (yes, no, maybe), to which I promptly asked have you seen any? The response was mostly in negative. I was too young to ask any more but most of these responses would make me wonder about the existence of a world that I had never experienced. It would be interesting to mention here that my mom had seen apparitions and spirits but her experience to me wre just thrilling stories that would fuel my imaginative mind.</p> <p> Much later in life I asked myself if I believed in ghosts? I am yet to get adefinite answer. No I have not seen any but then I have not seen god either and yet I do believe in god.</p> <p>In recent times I have observed that there is so much of respect for science and the scientific minded, And quite rightly so. But what about the things that we don’t know or the ones that we don’t see. The fear of the unknown has been much reduced with the advent of Science and technological progress since time bygone. It has been replaced with a kind of irreverence that some times I feel is imprudent.</p> <p>Do you remember that quote, most probably by Newton ‘that what I have discovered is just a pebble in a pool of ocean’. It went some thing like that, I don’t remember the exact quote but that was the gist of it.<br> What we don’t know is like that ocean; yes truly one needs to boldly sail across it to find new shores. The journey though should be made without trepidation but a fair amount of veneration I feel is definitely a prerequisite of such an expedition.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2009/06/08/do-you-believe-in-the-unknown-6260288/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2009-05-20:/2009/05/20/india-and-me-and-everything-else-6145433/tuso692009-05-20T07:51:33+02:002009-05-22T07:40:11+02:00 <p>Our Gita says ‘Do your duties but don’t think about the result’. It seems Shri Rama Krishna Paramhansa had said, that One’s mind should be like a pouch of mustard seeds, it should not get scattered, for us who are very much performing our ‘Grihastha Jeevan’ that is our worldly duties he advised that you should be involved in your daily household chores and duties but your inner consciousness should be on the abode of the supreme being; ‘God’ He also illustrated with an interesting example: like the governess who takes care of her master’s ward but her mind will always be on her child who is not in her presence.<br> The duality of this philosophy in our Hindu religion always confused me, it seemed as if it was an impossible task to perform, I would have to take two steps forward and then one backwards to get anywhere.<br> Now I see that this duality has crept in to different aspects of our lives: cultural, social and yes even political. No wonder we are slow at progress and considered to be the elephant in contrast to china being the tiger in the financial and economical context.<br> But then I am a supposedly a conservative, traditional person (at least some of my near and dear ones tell me so) who has this conviction that there is always something real and true in the sayings of the ‘great men’.<br> So this is what I discovered that yes there is duality and confusion but some how it has provided us with the certain time period that was required to bring stability in this impossibly, fantastically diverse country of ours.<br> We do move slow but that’s because we are taking in the surrounding as we go, somehow may be the journey is actually more important to us than the destination.<br> As we see in the present days that reaching the goal is just not enough, cause there will always be collateral damages that accompanies with the arriving to the destination and its dealing with and healing those damages that makes or breaks the situation and what matters after.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2009/05/20/india-and-me-and-everything-else-6145433/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2009-05-17:/2009/05/17/disturbia-6128982/tuso692009-05-17T13:06:54+02:002009-05-22T07:34:48+02:00 <p>I recently came across this news about a young woman who was raped by six boys in Mumbai, it was also mentioned that the guys were from assumable; respectable families and studied in so-called prestigious colleges of the city. So in conclusion is it true that education doesn’t necessarily makes you comprehend the right from wrong and if so then what would exactly ensure the same.<br> Interestingly enough I also came across reality TV shows where the girls are hot and the guys are happening, they speak in English which in India is still considered by some (may be more than some) to be the language of the elite. And all that comes out from these wealthy, handsome/beautiful Kids is procrastinations that were actually spoken by the most deprived class in U.K. or U.S. These kids uses the same with such élan as if its a credit to their upbringing, fittingly enough sometimes I find the shows producer/ mentor/.... also to be using the same to establish his (I am not sure exactly what). It can’t be his/ her breeds cause that becomes obvious to most viewers. Yes the young may still adopt this social aberration and think they have really made in to the ‘in crowd ‘but I am sure there is a mother like me who is terrified of her child's future. Is it so difficult to make the today's youth understand that mouthing slang’s will not get you anywhere all that it does is gives the audience a peek in to the kind of place you come from, your breed and your culture. The parents of these kids, do they ever watch these shows or are they too busy with their lives. And yes finally no one complains for the fear of being called a prude. I would rather choose prudence over total callousness and ignorance.<br> What about you?</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2009/05/17/disturbia-6128982/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2009-05-08:/2009/05/08/the-ripple-effect-6079367/tuso692009-05-08T06:30:37+02:002009-05-08T06:32:52+02:00 <p>In the Hindu religion Ganesha is considered to be the one who grants success, so I conclude he is the lord of Success. As we all know success elusive and to me so is the understanding of the same.<br> To the one who is presumably successful nothing succeeds like success but to most of the others who have not seemed to come across it "success" would be relative.<br> My query for some time has been why is Ganesha the Lord of success? Ones who are familiar with his picture are aware that he is grossly overweight, has the head of the elephant and an expression on his face that could be described as benevolent.<br> Few days back I got my answer, it is said as the story goes according to the holy scriptures that when he was just a lad one day he happened to come across a cat, now before that he might not have had a sighting of the same. As little boys do, he teased and tortured this new being that he saw till the cat finally managed to escape. When he went back to his holy abode he was shocked to see his mother 'Parvati' bruised pretty badly- and in all the same places he had bruised the thing called cat. His mother explained that what ever his actions were they would have an affect/effect on his near and dear ones and also on the others who were placed far and away.<br> Now if as a small boy he understood this profound truth which most of us don’t get no matter how powerfully we are placed or if we are at the edge of an abyss just as we are in the present times, we would never know what success is and only very few deserve to understand and realize success just as Ganesha has.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2009/05/08/the-ripple-effect-6079367/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2009-04-29:/2009/04/29/empathy-how-i-would-love-to-get-to-know-you-6030821/tuso692009-04-29T18:23:45+02:002009-04-29T18:23:45+02:00 <p>In the very near recent past I found out something quite surprising about myself and also of the world that I am in. Are you addicted to so called reality T.V., yes I know its not such a recent phenomenon, lots of people have commented on the same.<br> The surprising part was that while watching one of these shows, (it involved some dance, I prefer dance to other stuff) I found my eyes were moist and soon enough tears rolled down; now I am not one of those cry babies, more like a coconut. So yes it did sort of make me sit up and say, hello!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What happened, I also saw that people participating there, the judges, the participants weepy and emotional like me. I almost told myself guess what the world is changing, on second thoughts I second that motion, yes the world indeed is changing, we don’t really cry in public, and somehow I feel that the whole privately crying thing is also outdated, now we cry with people we can see but are not really there with us. We are so disconnected from each other and would you believe it, we so would like to stay disconnected that we don’t want to share our grief, shed tears with our relatives, friends, acquaintances, and colleagues. The truth is most of the time we are not sure if they do share it with us or are they laughing at us when our backs are turned, may be they feel a little pity and that of course cannot be tolerated, could be they are indifferent and that if you consider the big picture is the worst case scenario. We don’t know if they know what empathy is, I am sure most of us don’t. So yes we cry with people who cannot see us, melodrama can easily move us than reality. But more importantly what is reality? Any one cares to answer that</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2009/04/29/empathy-how-i-would-love-to-get-to-know-you-6030821/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2009-02-19:/2009/02/19/it-might-be-love-love-love-5607512/tuso692009-02-19T11:31:55+01:002009-02-19T11:31:55+01:00 <p>Yesterday I was deliberating with my friend on love, it turned out to be a heated discussion and finally she asked me if love is there in my life and if not when did it stop being there. I did not have answers to either of the questions. I responded that I would have to think about it before I came up with an answer.<br> This is what I am doing now; thinking aloud so as not to get confused or drift away from my train of thought. So really why do I find it so difficult to welcome love with open arms? Why so many doubts? It could be because I have yet to got the hang of it. Love can mean so many things at different levels but I suppose universally it conveys a positive vibe. I suppose it will be rather impossible to get a Pragmatic idea of love, most of the times we try and alleviate it to such an extreme that it becomes a mere archetype. Yes love can also be reduced to the common denominator and be termed lust, which necessarily is not positive.<br> I sometimes wonder why and when this whole disclaimer to the idea of love arose within me, was it when I was in my mother’s womb and she lost her mother, or was it much later in my childhood when I got molested, or was it simply due to rejections that one learns are ways of life and still find it so hard to accept. I hope it’s the last one because that way you are damaged the least and there is still hope for you. You see it’s much easier for me to believe in the practice of hope, I find it to be an essential ingredient of life and is going to be there for years to come, but love, now that’s a color which is fading, and fading too fast. Maybe that’s exactly the reason I don’t want to take the risk of acknowledging that yes it is there in my life may be a very small though significant little bit. I am too scared that soon I will be left with a faded yellow paper to reminisce about love.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2009/02/19/it-might-be-love-love-love-5607512/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2009-02-16:/2009/02/16/from-a-mom-sinking-in-despair-5587045/tuso692009-02-16T17:31:45+01:002009-02-16T17:31:45+01:00 <p>It's so tough being a parent, and more so with the kind of education system we have at hand in our country, the worst part is knowing that there is so very little awareness and knowledge towards changing this system.<br> We don’t have Candlelit marches on this issue; no parents don’t have the time for it or even actually addressing this issue at some level or atsome forum. We don’t know where to go?<br> We are working too hard to put our children through institutions where we pay good money yet we are not involved in it so as to enhance, improve or even to lower the amount of pressure we are putting on our children and also on ourselves to make them what????<br> That’s another thing we are not sure about. Yes we do say we want them to be good humans but then do you know a lot many good humans around you, I don’t see them, and I am definitely not happy about the icons and the role models that we have in the present times. They are not good; just very successful. So then truly all we want is that our children should succeed in all their endeavors and become rich robots of this century.<br> The truth is we are not happy even when that happens in the long run, we become old and lonely, we drift away from friends and sometimes from family too, that’s when we realize just being successful and rich robots was not enough. But by then it’s too late to change or make a change.</p> <p> SO Why not now? Yes we are under pressure but you see things seem to be going downhill from here; at least for people like us. So why not we take this opportunity to change some little things in our lives and more importantly in the lives of our children.<br> This is a call to all the moms and dads who are suffering from lower back pains due to our education system. Lets make a difference at least let us take a single step forward in that direction. I would be very eager to find out if parents in our country would join hands to do something about it.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2009/02/16/from-a-mom-sinking-in-despair-5587045/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2009-01-26:/2009/01/26/where-to-next-5448282/tuso692009-01-26T08:09:48+01:002009-01-26T08:09:48+01:00 <p>Love and Death surprisingly are a part of an equation, no not that I have been able to work it out yet and some how I don’t find the courage to state that some day I would be able to find out the same. One may put it down to confidence issues. </p> <p>What was amazing to me is that both of them are so dissimilar; one may put them at two different extremes. Death is something that is inevitable while with love one never can be sure. Yet they do form an equation and that’s what makes life a tight rope on which we all walk.</p> <p>On second thoughts the outcome of both of these almost always result into pain, grief, misery, suffering and lastly realization of the fact that we are so inconsequential in the big scheme of things. And to some, the ones who are truly emancipated both may turn out be comfort.</p> <p> Not for me though. Love and death has been the cause of pain and an understanding that I indeed am of very little consequence to the big picture. A picture that has not yet been envisioned by me but am still aware that there is one.</p> <p>My question is where do I go from here?</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2009/01/26/where-to-next-5448282/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-12-24:/2008/12/24/mixed-emotions-5268404/tuso692008-12-24T06:16:12+01:002008-12-24T06:16:12+01:00 <p>It was suggested that I write something on my B' day, well at 39 you almost want to forget that you were born, but any way still I had a party at my place on the 21st of this month.<br> I am pretty social person but lately I have seen that I am not so much of a people's person any more.<br> So there was this party held to celebrate my son's and my B'day all together to cut cost and also to celebrate the festive season.Our friends and some relatives were invited. So the whole day we were busy with all the party arrangements, the cooking, the decorations the serving etc, etc,my mom did most of the cooking while I did all the "Mise en place".<br> Then the guests arrived, and here are some snippets of conversation from that party.<br> My cousin sister arrived with her family and was quite insistent that I had reached 40 instead of 39,<br> my good friend's wife seemed thoroughly bored through out and just when I was feeling guilty about not being able to entertain her as she would have liked she jokingly accused me of having an affair with him when we both were not married. The unpleasantness of the whole thing was avoided as I tried to convince her that though I did not have an affair then, I was so much willing to have one now after 12 years of long marraige. She said that yes that would be easier and we shook hands on that.<br> My other friends arrived late and minus their child were both gleeful and a little bitter about one of our commonfriend going through a troublesome divorce, I reminded them the marraige too was troublesome, but then who does not have a troubled marraige these days.<br> Finally one of my good friend's husband arrived, he was pretty wasted, and tried to have conversations that did not have any endings, it would start and then fizz out somewhere, he also recited some of his instantly composed poems to my mother that did not make any sense to most of us but still we cheered him on.<br> So what was so great about this party, maybe all these not so funny yet quirky incidents may someday become good anecdotes when I become 50.<br> By then hopefully we would have forgiven but mostly forgotten all this due to slow brain function. My friend's husband would not be in that great health to get wasted and my good friend's wife would just be greatful if her husband did have an affair and left her alone.<br> Most of us by then would be celebrating long marraiges and quick divorces.<br> So till then lets just go on with whatever it is that we are going on with. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/12/24/mixed-emotions-5268404/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-12-18:/2008/12/18/a-letter-to-the-dead-5241675/tuso692008-12-18T16:44:39+01:002008-12-18T16:44:39+01:00 <p>Dear Baba,<br> I dont remember writing a letter to you ever, now that you are gone I have a few things to say, wonder why I never opened up to you, was I apprehensive of your response? I miss you a lot, no not as a father but you the person, god makes very few likes of you, and believe me I am finding it pretty difficult to follow your path (may be more so because you lived through example).<br> I miss your voice, you always knew how good you were at singing but we never recorded your voice, all I wish now is a little of the same stays within my soul to guide me and wash away my blues when I feel miserable which as you would be aware of, is quite often.<br> People usually say that a father and daughter forms great bond, but we never did, I have misunderstood you often and am sure you have done the same too.<br> I also dont want this grief or trauma (any way you put it)that me and ma is going through to end into bitterness. I have never seen you bitter, never, and thats quite unique for a person living in these times.<br> Accepting death is not easy and to come to terms with it much more difficult, wish you were here to show me how to. Have a nice day where ever you are.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/12/18/a-letter-to-the-dead-5241675/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-11-18:/2008/11/18/long-time-no-see-5057687/tuso692008-11-18T14:30:19+01:002008-11-18T14:30:19+01:00 <p>Its ben a while now that I visited this site, not that I was visiting some where else, atleast not in cyberspace. Indeed I have been to the hospital for my gall bladder operation, it was an open surgery and to tell you the truth the experience has not been bad. Yes there was some pain involved but I got to meet a number of people and some one who inspired me big time by just being the person she is, also I got to watch my husband's concerned face looking at me whenever I was up and awake from my not so deep drug induced slumber.]<br> Its strange but I do feel Life has been knd to me inspite of the fact that I lost my father this same year and whose presence I miss with a lot of sadness, but may be not with grief or trauma.<br> The loss of a parent can usually be a great awakening for most of us, may be I am going through that phase.<br> I am hoping I will be visiting more often than I have done these past few months.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/11/18/long-time-no-see-5057687/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-07-27:/2008/07/27/a-person-trying-to-come-to-terms-with-gr-4505363/tuso692008-07-27T11:42:59+02:002008-07-27T11:42:59+02:00 <p>My father expired on 11th July 2008, and since then it has been difficult to keep track of dates. He was 68 years old and had a cerebral attack, went into coma and never recovered. All this happened so suddenly that it is almost impossible for me to get a grip on the past happenings.<br> My relationship with my dad is not easy to explain, I remember being very close to him when I was a child, one can always find me physically inclined towards him in all our family snaps. This was primarily due to the fact that my mom was the disciplinarian while he gave me certain liberties that I was not allowed to indulge in, for example an occasional treat to ice creams which was supposed to be detrimental to my health.<br> As I grew up the equation changed and I found my mom to be much more liberal than my baba (dad). This could have been catalyzed by the fact that my grandma who was very dear to me died. So now I became much more emotionally closer to my mom than my dad. He was the one who almost bullied me to take up science rather than philosophy/history/ psychology, which were my choice. He also emotionally coerced me into an arranged marriage when I was not ready for any sort of marriage. So I got married at 27 years, which is considered to be a late marriage according to Indian standards. But I have to admit here that through out my conflicting relationship with him he has been the pillar of strength for me. All my life I had more faith in him than me. (Yes if you have read my previous blogs you might guess that I am a bit low on confidence).<br> I have never acknowledged the positive contributions that he made towards my life and I wish feverently that wherever he is he understands that in my heart I have always appreciated the same. It is because of him I got a chance to travel through out India extensively and got exposed to various cultures. it is he who introduced me to the sounds of ABBA, BoneyM, Simon n Garfunkle, Jim Reeves, James Last, Nana Mouskeri etc. etc. though he himself remained loyal to Hindustani Classical Music. So with time, now I can enjoy the intricacies of Classical music be it western, Hindustani or Karnatic.<br> I don’t remember him teaching me any values or morals directly as such but have also realized that he taught me by being an example of a human being.<br> I am one of those people who concede the fact that there are regrets in life and unfortunately I have added one more to my list of regrets of not saying 'I love you' n "THANK YOU" to my dad.<br> No I am not much like my father, may be we have had similarities in subtle ways but I do feel sometimes that I am an antithesis of what he was. May be that itself will gave me the inspiration to incorporate his good qualities.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/07/27/a-person-trying-to-come-to-terms-with-gr-4505363/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-07-01:/2008/07/01/your-opinion-makes-a-difference-4387746/tuso692008-07-01T07:02:46+02:002008-07-01T13:35:49+02:00 <p>I remember while doing my management course we often came acroos two words and that too qiute frequently, 'tactful' n diplomacy'. To me they have remained to be words that I could never comprehend. Even now when I have actually found the litteral meaning with the help of Thesaurus.<br> Tactful means, discerning,diplomatic,discreet and sometimes even considerate while diplomatic means smooth suave etc.<br> So now lets have a situation here to clarify what these words mean?<br> Lets say I have to step on some ones toes to reach some where and its mandatory to reach there. So now if I do step on some one's toe and yet gag his mouth so that I dont get to hear his scream (and scream he will mind you, if I do happen to step on his toes)and no one else hears it. Will you call that tactful, diplomatic.<br> Or do I make such arrangements that when I do step on his toes he does not feel the pain. (May be I somehow manage to insulate his feet from the pain that I am being forced to inflict on him)<br> Point that have to be kept in mind;I dont have a grudge on this guy, I simply have to and must step on his toes.</p> <p>Why dont you be the judge of it.<br> Looking forward to your response.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/07/01/your-opinion-makes-a-difference-4387746/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-06-17:/2008/06/17/an-endeavor-towards-looking-at-the-world-4326817/tuso692008-06-17T12:52:34+02:002008-06-17T12:52:34+02:00 <p>I remember reading ‘Robison Crusoe when I was in my fourth standard. Prior to that all I read were girly fairy tales, so the book, which happened to be part of my academic syllabus, came as a pleasant diversion.</p> <p>It surprises me now how a young girly girl was so taken by a boyish tale of adventure and then may be I was not so girly.</p> <p>But it was not the book that I fell in love with; that was ‘Little Women’ by Louise M.Aclott. A tale of times that I was unaware of yet so close to my heart as if the characters could have been there in my backyard.</p> <p>I never realized how emotionally attach to the book I was till much later I saw the movie based on it and simply fell in love again.<br> A story that stayed with me for such a long time because of its simplicity and goodness.<br> In present times being goody two shoes is making such a wrong statement about oneself but I remember how I adored the character of ‘Beth March’ and it never seemed then that she was too good to be true. </p> <p>Yes life unfortunately does pressure you to not expect the goodness and once the hope for good is lost I wonder what we are left with.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/06/17/an-endeavor-towards-looking-at-the-world-4326817/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-06-12:/2008/06/12/a-question-that-haunts-me-time-n-again-4304346/tuso692008-06-12T05:16:20+02:002008-06-12T05:16:20+02:00 <p>A few days back I was invited to be part of a group discussion, the subject was what exactly one would like to read in papers other than the news. We were a group of seven women who went on deliberating on the topic mentioned above. I found it not only amusing but also surprising that there were people who were still in the habit of reading.</p> <p>The recent trends that I have happen to come across is; that suddenly it seems there are more writers than there are readers. Wouldn’t you agree?<br> I can’t honestly say I am an avid reader but I do happen to like reading.<br> But at the present moment given a choice between reading a classic and watching the same as an adapted movie. I would opt for the latter.<br> I always wonder how many of us (i.e. people who are literate) actually pick up a newspaper and read it just for the sake of reading. I suspect very few of us do so. Most of us want to remain aware of the happenings of the world for a certain purpose, and a purpose it seems is what is imperative in the present times.</p> <p>What I mean is suddenly it seems to me that the human race has become too much focused and goal oriented. Most of our actions if not all are driven by the fact that we are going to gain something out of it.</p> <p> The philosophy of just doing something without giving too much thought about the results (as propagated by the Bhagvad Gita) has been weighed down by the other notion of ends justifying the means. </p> <p>But is it possible to execute without expectation? And then again to live life under the tenet of expectation is proving to be stressful for us. </p> <p>May be the solution lies in balancing our expectations and accepting the unfulfilled without disappointment.</p> <p>Only I wish I knew how to accomplish the same.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/06/12/a-question-that-haunts-me-time-n-again-4304346/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-05-30:/2008/05/30/is-it-simply-funny-or-what-4247322/tuso692008-05-30T15:10:25+02:002008-05-30T15:12:04+02:00 <p>In spite being brought up in a conservative family I had the good fortune of traveling within and outside my country, I feel it helped me to instill secular values within me. Though in present circumstances I find it difficult to define the word secular.<br> I don’t remember taking religion too seriously even then but I also remember words like 'religious' and 'god fearing' being used to describe any one in particular who were attributed with the respective qualities.<br> These days the focus has shifted to being not religious but spiritual. Most people it seems are spiritual, I am not surprised cause we all are beings with spirit, which makes us spiritual beings.<br> India is well known for its spiritual gurus, we have countless number of them with large followers, disciples etc.<br> Recently there was an article in the paper informing the public in general about one such guru who has arranged a cruise tour for people who are interested. Of course there is a price tag attached.<br> The vacationers will be doing what people usually do in cruise ships (relax and have 'fun') with a certain amount of sight seeing involved. It would also give the passengers an unique opportunity to be close to their guru, listening to him and also learning yogasan up close and upfront.<br> This would help them to de-stress and more than that will offer some hope that a little bit of spiritual dust would be transferred through this physical proximity.<br> Isn't it hilarious that people who find it so difficult to be moral can so easily become spiritual? </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/05/30/is-it-simply-funny-or-what-4247322/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-05-27:/2008/05/27/re-thinking-ones-actions-4228352/tuso692008-05-27T13:14:48+02:002008-05-27T13:14:48+02:00 <p>A couple of days back I read this interesting blog on another site, the writer wrote how a first time blogger had to justify why he or she is starting a blog. Well he/she was right on spot cause I too had done the same and not so subtly either. And yet I have always wondered why every body around has suddenly taken up blogging. I know the obvious answers to that but somehow am not convinced with the obvious. I have a feeling that yes this could be just a trend but it could also spring from our subconscious need to get over the kind of numbness one feels living in these times.<br> We tend to look away from all that is happening around us and somehow are and will never be able to actually do it, not really (not any more with the world turning out to be so small).<br> The second best option is to try and cover all that sensitive, vulnerable soul and mind within a shell. That too is sort of cracking for many of us and we are becoming aware of the fact that at some point we will have to address it. Blogging could be one of the instruments that might help us to do just that.<br> Yes you could say I am making a mountain out of a molehill, but then now I believe that simple living may not be possible but high thinking can always be incorporated. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/05/27/re-thinking-ones-actions-4228352/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-05-21:/2008/05/21/dilemma-of-an-overanxious-parent-4203642/tuso692008-05-21T16:12:44+02:002008-05-21T16:12:44+02:00 <p>It seems to me that my mom and dad were pretty confident as parents, they were very sure of the values they wanted to instill in me, or may be thay were not as conscious of themselves or me. I cannot be sure.<br> As a parent I find it difficult to teach, no I dont mean academics but anything and every thing on the whole, for example I have not been able to make my son understand the value of being honest, the reason being at 38 I am not any more sure of its value (yet being aware of the fact that a price has to be paid for being one). I dont see too many people who are honest around me and neither am I 100% honest.<br> Truth in these times can be so twisted that its difficult to comprehend it in its real form. And then what is real?<br> I feel most of the things that we learn has to be unlearnt at a certain point in your life. I remember being told as a student that I should be careful of my belongings and should not loose and misplace them, I tried to impart the same to my child, and yes he tries to carry out the simple instruction with occassional goof-ups. I might have done the same in my childhood and have grown up to be a responsible person. I also have realised that things and belongings can be important to an extent and if you happen to loose them by chance one should also learn to let go and let be. This second lesson ofcourse I learned with time and experience. I feel the need to also make my child aware of the same but it would somehow be in contradiction to being responsible for your belongings (lesson number 1).<br> I knew parenting would be a journey that was tough but confusing????<br> Is it just me who is facing this dilemma. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/05/21/dilemma-of-an-overanxious-parent-4203642/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-05-09:/2008/05/09/explanation-or-excuses-4152476/tuso692008-05-09T15:34:22+02:002008-05-09T15:34:22+02:00 <p>I have not been around for some time, cause my computer is down, and even now I am writing this from a friend's computer. Surprisingly i have not had an anxiety attack for not being able to connect to the cyber world, though I think thats not such a good sign in these times eh? May be te whole pranayama thing is working for me. well I had some things to write but at this moment nothing is coming to my mind, may be my adrenlin is flowing a bit harder after my longtime reunion with the net. </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/05/09/explanation-or-excuses-4152476/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-03-26:/2008/03/26/hope-this-is-not-too-emphatic-3944379/tuso692008-03-26T16:32:47+01:002008-03-26T16:32:47+01:00 <p>Today in the newspaper I read this piece about this guy named Erik Weihenmayer, he happens to be the first blind man to reach the 29,035-foot summit of Mount Everest and also climb the seven summits of the world. He has also guided six blind Tibetan teenagers towards the 23,000-foot summit of Lhakpa Ri.<br> I found this news not only fascinating, awe-inspiring but also thought evoking.<br> I remember that when I was a child I was very scared of this blind salesman who used to sell Incense. His gait as he walked through the narrow lanes in late evenings and his way of advertising his product by screaming in a particular tone would have me scamper towards my mother. Well with time my fear was replaced by kindness or to be rather honest with pity.<br> Much later in life I saw this film called ‘Sparsh’ (The Touch) directed by a lovely lady called Sai Paranjpe, which actually touched my heart and helped me to distinguish between sympathy and empathy.<br> Today I don’t consider blindness to be a handicap at all, no I don’t think it’s a boon but I feel it’s a different way to live your life. It helps one to have a better and deeper understanding of the same.<br> The world is filled with too much of visuals at present; we see music instead of listening to it. Most of us would rather see a classic than read it, (I happen to be one of those people), observe similar lives on the television rather than introspect our own.<br> Nothing much is left to imagination, and with time and experience I have realized how important and powerful imaginations can be.<br> I remember imagining how Eskimos lived when I was a child (I didn’t have access to national geographic) or how did an igloo or an Anaconda look? Somehow today I feel that my imaginations were much more stronger and vivid than the real images. Yes I could be wrong but just a thought.<br> So no I don’t consider blindness to be a handicap any more. What do you think?</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/03/26/hope-this-is-not-too-emphatic-3944379/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-03-20:/2008/03/20/patterns-that-perplex-me-3908181/tuso692008-03-20T06:59:21+01:002008-03-20T06:59:21+01:00 <p>‘Ascent’, I was thinking about this word yesterday night, checked on the thesaurus today morning and it gave me a lot of options but I feel the word basically means to go up, rise, escalate.<br> If I have to visualize the word I see some not so clear picture of a rocket launch. The metal mass zooms fast into the space above leaving a trail of blazing flame.<br> Common people like me watch this ascent with wonder. With the passage of time of course we forget about the ship floating across the universe. Yes there are a few people keeping a close watch on its movements but the majority of us stay disconnected.<br> Must be lonely up there, what do you think? Wonder if the same happens to people who ascend in life at such a fast pace. Are they able to share their success or the feeling of achievement with others? May be with a few.<br> The other visual that I see is of a rock climber, Yes the rise is slow and the effort is much more physically visible to us and I feel he remains much more connected to us.<br> But you see any kind of ascent leaves behind something; as you climb up the ladder or the stairs or the mountains you start getting away from the world down below. How does that feel? Exhilarating, spine tingling, heady feeling eh? How long does that stay?<br> I don’t consider ascent as a journey, as I feel that a journey would involve both ascent and the descent. And the journey of life: - well that’s a different ball game all together.<br> It’s like a 360deegrees turn that brings you back to the same place where you started and yet when you look back it can be difficult to make out the person who initiated this journey.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/03/20/patterns-that-perplex-me-3908181/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-03-09:/2008/03/09/going-shopping-3842682/tuso692008-03-09T18:10:03+01:002008-03-14T09:23:56+01:00 <p>Yesterday was Women’s Day, one of my friends even wished me over phone, I found that pretty amusing. Considering the fact that there are very few girls in our Indian society who don’t carry any baggage as they bloom into women, though I have to be honest and admit that the baggage sometimes forms a shield and at times an obstacle. Today I got to read an article on the paper that emphasized how important and urgent it is for women and also men to brand oneself.<br> “Think Nehru and you think of a rose” while if you go global then think Churchill and you instantly get the image of the bowler hat and the cigar. If truth were said I don’t remember his face and not even the bowler hat but yes the cigar remains a constant.<br> So I am surprised and amused; does today’s generation want to be branded in a similar fashion, no I discover after a few lines they would rather be Paris Hilton, Lindsay Lohan, Britney Spears, Arnold, Brad etc etc. rather than themselves.<br> Further down the article I found a list of tips that would help one to build ones own brand. (Well I have impudently put my own spin on those guidelines just to have some fun and make a serious point.)</p> <p>The first one goes like this------</p> <p>a) ‘Be clear about your core values’, I almost read it as crore values, well that’s because they do spend a crore and earn twice as much in a very short period of time, and values? That must be some printing error: - an extra ‘s’, no one talks about values these days its all about if it’s the right value. Am I mistaken? You tell me</p> <p>b) ‘Gain expertise in one subject’ Correct every thing is relative or connected, all you got to do is be thorough in one subject and then relate the same with a host of others that you don’t have any idea about. Don’t worry people don’t have the time to acquire knowledge they would rather accumulate some data or information and some how grasp the strategies to use the same for the only kind of gain that matters; monetary.</p> <p>c) ‘Figure out which domain you could add most value to” This is rather important and needs certain amount of grey cells, don’t worry if you are not that well equipped, you can hire ‘experts’, don’t be surprised if you find them to be computer chips dressed as humans. They would find you a target market that you can screw with clear conscience; it’s nothing personal, just business, so be cool and I almost forgot unscrupulous.</p> <p>d) ‘Be your own critic’ Yes please don’t give other people a chance to criticize you, ‘and write down your weaknesses and how you can handle them’ you heard me; you don’t have to overcome your weaknesses just handle them depending on the situation you are in. Here I would like to mention that you must be well conversant in the art of lying, cheating and giving a misconstrued picture of yourself. I assure you with time you will actually enjoy this exercise.</p> <p>e) ‘Make a list of all the things you’ve done and are proud of ’ This task is going to ask of you to be self indulgent but I am sure by this time you are aware that the only person willing to beat your drum is YOU.</p> <p>f) ‘See your self as others perceive you’ Yes its very important that you keep on struggling with your image and identity, but that is some thing you have to deal with privately, cannot and must not bring out in public sweetie ok. And finally when you just cant be bothered go on pretending as if you do. That shouldn’t be too difficult aye.</p> <p>g) Last but one step “Think of your ‘image’ you want to project and make that your usp” Yes now you are almost ready to be sold.</p> <p>h) Finally ‘you have to find ways to build this image in the public eye and keep on enhancing it. You see public has a short attention span and this is an uphill task to try keeping their eyeballs on you. So all you have to do now is to go to the point of absolute concentration to keep others focus on you. Yes its almost impossible but I never said that this is going to be easy.<br> Well after all that what I realized is according to science and history we have evolved from being organisms to human beings and now slowly we are evolving into commodities to be adorned on clean white plastic shelves of the supermarket. Just wondering who the buyers would be?</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/03/09/going-shopping-3842682/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-02-23:/2008/02/23/these_days~3767740/tuso692008-02-23T08:40:27+01:002008-02-23T08:40:27+01:00 <p>These days you often see people on the road walking with small little headphones in their ears, listening to music, (not just when they are taking a lazy stroll or going for a rigorous jog to burn calories) sure music does help to get over the dreariness of our every day urban life but sometimes the constant meaning less jabber of a radio jockey and the repetitive new hits can itself become so monotonous.<br> I was born into this joint family that had a passion for music, Hindustani classical music, my grandmother used to tell me that the house in Delhi was often visited by the likes of Roshan Saab (grand dad of Hrithik Roshan) and Mukeshji. Of course I was not born then and so it was some what difficult for me to imagine the whole scenario taking into consideration that I never got to see the musically inclined side of my grand father; to me he was this severe straight dark skinny man who was deeply revered by my parents, uncles and aunts and his grandchildren lay off him as their emotions swung between fear and dislike. As I grew older I realized that the stories that I heard were actual facts as many friends and family corroborated the same.<br> Among the few things that stick out in my childhood memory, one is the oversized Radio made of wood and thick fabric that stood over the black heavy iron chest in our modest dining room and the huge long playing record player that adorned our drawing room along with the upholstered sofa. Most of us had to listen to some sort of classical music, vocal or instrumental along with our breakfast and yes also the news. Listening to Hindi film songs in the presence of elders was big ‘no no’.<br> Today I enjoy all kinds of music, music in different languages but I owe that to my father’s job at the central government and to him being fortunate enough to be posted abroad. Access to music has become so much easier with passing time that the adventure and the anticipation have been robbed of it. There were times when we would have to wait for our particular favorite song to be broadcast. I still remember how I use to wait for ‘Chitrahar’ on television, and now one realizes that the fun was in the wait. There have been instances in my life when a particular song would be on my mind and sometimes I would hear it on a radio, may be on the streets, the strains of the music coming from afar.<br> The magic and the thrill of that cannot be recreated today with walkmans and ipods.<br> Maybe I am fortunate enough to enjoy the silence these days.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/02/23/these_days~3767740/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-01-30:/2008/01/30/inthe_age_of_confusion~3652784/tuso692008-01-30T04:32:42+01:002008-01-30T04:39:36+01:00 <p>A research is letting us Indians know that we need not be single to mingle, the research has found out that women more than men (about 44%) have affairs as a strategic career move to climb up the corporate ladder.<br> So here we are at the crossroads where we find that the line between being broad minded independent female individual and upwardly mobile unscrupulous being of the fairer sex has become too thin.<br> I wonder how the Indian population who never fail to make a hue and cry about our traditional values and moralities is going to react to this reality. I am much more concerned about the people who fight these battles of right and wrong, black and white cope with this whole situation where you see the person next to you is getting by even if he/she happens to do so by unfair means.<br> As I see it in the near future we are going to be a bunch of people highly confused and troubled, as we will not be able to determine that fine line between black and white, good and bad.<br> What are we left with at that point, without convictions or belief?<br> At this point I can do two things one is not believe in this research and go on with my life with a little less worry and concern, or have faith in the goodness of virtues and the vastness of this universe.<br> I think I will go with the second option.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/01/30/inthe_age_of_confusion~3652784/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-01-12:/2008/01/12/have_you_noticed~3564375/tuso692008-01-12T05:55:14+01:002008-01-12T06:08:11+01:00 <p>Well there are many changes happening around me which sometimes does strike me as odd but with time we all learn to accept the same and then they remain not so odd and in certain cases like the one that I am going to mention a bit too even.<br> Have you noticed that there is a trend towards guys having deep cleevages while beautiful women (or those so considered) are much less endowed in the same region. I am wondering and I mean seriously wondering if this is another step towards the evolution of the human body towards becoming hermaphrodites. That would be coming the full circle?<img src="/img/smilies/graylaugh.gif" alt=":))" class="middle" border="0"><br> Yes size does matter and surprisingly it's effects on us varries with time.<br> Do send in your comments </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/01/12/have_you_noticed~3564375/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-01-09:/2008/01/09/this_could_be_my_letter_to_rabindranath_~3552122/tuso692008-01-09T17:42:33+01:002008-01-09T17:42:33+01:00 <p>Hi sir,<br> Sure you are not used to that kind of an address but I couldnot think of a better one, I read your poems and sang your songs since when I was a toddler, honestly you did not impress me that much then, whenever I saw your face in the black and white photograph I used to think this man couldn't have been a good grand dad, you were I suppose intimidating.<br> But that's not why I am writing this letter, I heard this song 'Tor mon jakhan Jaglo na re,MONER MANUSH elo dare' Which roughly means that you were visited by your soulmate while your soul was yet to be awakened.<br> My query is are we all searching for soulmates? And is that somehow equivalent to other wants like peace, enlightment etc.Or should we rather be looking into our souls?<br> Will appreciate an early response </p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/01/09/this_could_be_my_letter_to_rabindranath_~3552122/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>tag:tuksom.blog.co.uk,2008-01-04:/2008/01/04/a_change_of_heart~3528367/tuso692008-01-04T16:54:20+01:002008-01-04T16:54:20+01:00 <p>Well I would like to start this one by wishing my fellow regular bloggers a happy newyear, may 2008 bring clarity in my thoughts, regularity in writing blogs cause I have not been consistent in the same. So many things happened the same way as it happens every year; people drank, danced, hooted and some were involved in active hooliganism to welcome the new year. Generally every one also got pretty active with their mobile phones delivering warm wishes through cold cables to near and dear ones.<br> I planned to stay home and may be have a drink or two but somehow ended up partying till 3'o' clock in the morning with friends and aquaintances. I have promised myself not to get analytical about how much I really enjoyed.<br> Now that I can get past all that there have been some questions that have come up and that too because I happen to read the news and not watch it. They are as follows:<br> 1) Can Security and Freedom exist side by side in todays world? I undersatnd that the aforementioned question can be turned into a statement like; Freedom leads to security, but in the real world does it? This is in context to tasleema nasreen who demands both from our country and government and I dont see how she can be given both.<br> 2)Will I ndian electorate rise above casteism, communalism etc. etc.and just vote on the basis of development. Atleast some of the reactions of learned intellectual people after the Gujrat victory by modi seems to indicate the same. I would like to be hopeful about it but also understand that political games are not played by simple equations.<br> 3)Why technological development in any field has not reached our hearts to understand and respect differences within our kind? Almost every day I read about new inventions in different fields along with other news that confirms my belief that man has actually not moved much ahead from the age old tribal days. All the technology has not helped to create an equilibrium in this world that easily gives rise to conflicts whenever there is any kind of imbalance.<br> yeah sounds too naive but suddenly I have lost the interest to be identified as the mature,practical person that I am not.<br> It might just serve me well to be hopeful than just plain practical.</p> <p> <small> <a href="http://tuksom.blog.co.uk/2008/01/04/a_change_of_heart~3528367/#comments">Comments</a> </small> </p>