My father expired on 11th July 2008, and since then it has been difficult to keep track of dates. He was 68 years old and had a cerebral attack, went into coma and never recovered. All this happened so suddenly that it is almost impossible for me to get a grip on the past happenings.
My relationship with my dad is not easy to explain, I remember being very close to him when I was a child, one can always find me physically inclined towards him in all our family snaps. This was primarily due to the fact that my mom was the disciplinarian while he gave me certain liberties that I was not allowed to indulge in, for example an occasional treat to ice creams which was supposed to be detrimental to my health.
As I grew up the equation changed and I found my mom to be much more liberal than my baba (dad). This could have been catalyzed by the fact that my grandma who was very dear to me died. So now I became much more emotionally closer to my mom than my dad. He was the one who almost bullied me to take up science rather than philosophy/history/ psychology, which were my choice. He also emotionally coerced me into an arranged marriage when I was not ready for any sort of marriage. So I got married at 27 years, which is considered to be a late marriage according to Indian standards. But I have to admit here that through out my conflicting relationship with him he has been the pillar of strength for me. All my life I had more faith in him than me. (Yes if you have read my previous blogs you might guess that I am a bit low on confidence).
I have never acknowledged the positive contributions that he made towards my life and I wish feverently that wherever he is he understands that in my heart I have always appreciated the same. It is because of him I got a chance to travel through out India extensively and got exposed to various cultures. it is he who introduced me to the sounds of ABBA, BoneyM, Simon n Garfunkle, Jim Reeves, James Last, Nana Mouskeri etc. etc. though he himself remained loyal to Hindustani Classical Music. So with time, now I can enjoy the intricacies of Classical music be it western, Hindustani or Karnatic.
I don’t remember him teaching me any values or morals directly as such but have also realized that he taught me by being an example of a human being.
I am one of those people who concede the fact that there are regrets in life and unfortunately I have added one more to my list of regrets of not saying 'I love you' n "THANK YOU" to my dad.
No I am not much like my father, may be we have had similarities in subtle ways but I do feel sometimes that I am an antithesis of what he was. May be that itself will gave me the inspiration to incorporate his good qualities.