My father expired on 11th July 2008, and since then it has been difficult to keep track of dates. He was 68 years old and had a cerebral attack, went into coma and never recovered. All this happened so suddenly that it is almost impossible for me to get a grip on the past happenings.
My relationship with my dad is not easy to explain, I remember being very close to him when I was a child, one can always find me physically inclined towards him in all our family snaps. This was primarily due to the fact that my mom was the disciplinarian while he gave me certain liberties that I was not allowed to indulge in, for example an occasional treat to ice creams which was supposed to be detrimental to my health.
As I grew up the equation changed and I found my mom to be much more liberal than my baba (dad). This could have been catalyzed by the fact that my grandma who was very dear to me died. So now I became much more emotionally closer to my mom than my dad. He was the one who almost bullied me to take up science rather than philosophy/history/ psychology, which were my choice. He also emotionally coerced me into an arranged marriage when I was not ready for any sort of marriage. So I got married at 27 years, which is considered to be a late marriage according to Indian standards. But I have to admit here that through out my conflicting relationship with him he has been the pillar of strength for me. All my life I had more faith in him than me. (Yes if you have read my previous blogs you might guess that I am a bit low on confidence).
I have never acknowledged the positive contributions that he made towards my life and I wish feverently that wherever he is he understands that in my heart I have always appreciated the same. It is because of him I got a chance to travel through out India extensively and got exposed to various cultures. it is he who introduced me to the sounds of ABBA, BoneyM, Simon n Garfunkle, Jim Reeves, James Last, Nana Mouskeri etc. etc. though he himself remained loyal to Hindustani Classical Music. So with time, now I can enjoy the intricacies of Classical music be it western, Hindustani or Karnatic.
I don’t remember him teaching me any values or morals directly as such but have also realized that he taught me by being an example of a human being.
I am one of those people who concede the fact that there are regrets in life and unfortunately I have added one more to my list of regrets of not saying 'I love you' n "THANK YOU" to my dad.
No I am not much like my father, may be we have had similarities in subtle ways but I do feel sometimes that I am an antithesis of what he was. May be that itself will gave me the inspiration to incorporate his good qualities.

I remember while doing my management course we often came acroos two words and that too qiute frequently, 'tactful' n diplomacy'. To me they have remained to be words that I could never comprehend. Even now when I have actually found the litteral meaning with the help of Thesaurus.
Tactful means, discerning,diplomatic,discreet and sometimes even considerate while diplomatic means smooth suave etc.
So now lets have a situation here to clarify what these words mean?
Lets say I have to step on some ones toes to reach some where and its mandatory to reach there. So now if I do step on some one's toe and yet gag his mouth so that I dont get to hear his scream (and scream he will mind you, if I do happen to step on his toes)and no one else hears it. Will you call that tactful, diplomatic.
Or do I make such arrangements that when I do step on his toes he does not feel the pain. (May be I somehow manage to insulate his feet from the pain that I am being forced to inflict on him)
Point that have to be kept in mind;I dont have a grudge on this guy, I simply have to and must step on his toes.

Why dont you be the judge of it.
Looking forward to your response.

I remember reading ‘Robison Crusoe when I was in my fourth standard. Prior to that all I read were girly fairy tales, so the book, which happened to be part of my academic syllabus, came as a pleasant diversion.

It surprises me now how a young girly girl was so taken by a boyish tale of adventure and then may be I was not so girly.

But it was not the book that I fell in love with; that was ‘Little Women’ by Louise M.Aclott. A tale of times that I was unaware of yet so close to my heart as if the characters could have been there in my backyard.

I never realized how emotionally attach to the book I was till much later I saw the movie based on it and simply fell in love again.
A story that stayed with me for such a long time because of its simplicity and goodness.
In present times being goody two shoes is making such a wrong statement about oneself but I remember how I adored the character of ‘Beth March’ and it never seemed then that she was too good to be true.

Yes life unfortunately does pressure you to not expect the goodness and once the hope for good is lost I wonder what we are left with.

A few days back I was invited to be part of a group discussion, the subject was what exactly one would like to read in papers other than the news. We were a group of seven women who went on deliberating on the topic mentioned above. I found it not only amusing but also surprising that there were people who were still in the habit of reading.

The recent trends that I have happen to come across is; that suddenly it seems there are more writers than there are readers. Wouldn’t you agree?
I can’t honestly say I am an avid reader but I do happen to like reading.
But at the present moment given a choice between reading a classic and watching the same as an adapted movie. I would opt for the latter.
I always wonder how many of us (i.e. people who are literate) actually pick up a newspaper and read it just for the sake of reading. I suspect very few of us do so. Most of us want to remain aware of the happenings of the world for a certain purpose, and a purpose it seems is what is imperative in the present times.

What I mean is suddenly it seems to me that the human race has become too much focused and goal oriented. Most of our actions if not all are driven by the fact that we are going to gain something out of it.

The philosophy of just doing something without giving too much thought about the results (as propagated by the Bhagvad Gita) has been weighed down by the other notion of ends justifying the means.

But is it possible to execute without expectation? And then again to live life under the tenet of expectation is proving to be stressful for us.

May be the solution lies in balancing our expectations and accepting the unfulfilled without disappointment.

Only I wish I knew how to accomplish the same.

In spite being brought up in a conservative family I had the good fortune of traveling within and outside my country, I feel it helped me to instill secular values within me. Though in present circumstances I find it difficult to define the word secular.
I don’t remember taking religion too seriously even then but I also remember words like 'religious' and 'god fearing' being used to describe any one in particular who were attributed with the respective qualities.
These days the focus has shifted to being not religious but spiritual. Most people it seems are spiritual, I am not surprised cause we all are beings with spirit, which makes us spiritual beings.
India is well known for its spiritual gurus, we have countless number of them with large followers, disciples etc.
Recently there was an article in the paper informing the public in general about one such guru who has arranged a cruise tour for people who are interested. Of course there is a price tag attached.
The vacationers will be doing what people usually do in cruise ships (relax and have 'fun') with a certain amount of sight seeing involved. It would also give the passengers an unique opportunity to be close to their guru, listening to him and also learning yogasan up close and upfront.
This would help them to de-stress and more than that will offer some hope that a little bit of spiritual dust would be transferred through this physical proximity.
Isn't it hilarious that people who find it so difficult to be moral can so easily become spiritual?

A couple of days back I read this interesting blog on another site, the writer wrote how a first time blogger had to justify why he or she is starting a blog. Well he/she was right on spot cause I too had done the same and not so subtly either. And yet I have always wondered why every body around has suddenly taken up blogging. I know the obvious answers to that but somehow am not convinced with the obvious. I have a feeling that yes this could be just a trend but it could also spring from our subconscious need to get over the kind of numbness one feels living in these times.
We tend to look away from all that is happening around us and somehow are and will never be able to actually do it, not really (not any more with the world turning out to be so small).
The second best option is to try and cover all that sensitive, vulnerable soul and mind within a shell. That too is sort of cracking for many of us and we are becoming aware of the fact that at some point we will have to address it. Blogging could be one of the instruments that might help us to do just that.
Yes you could say I am making a mountain out of a molehill, but then now I believe that simple living may not be possible but high thinking can always be incorporated.

It seems to me that my mom and dad were pretty confident as parents, they were very sure of the values they wanted to instill in me, or may be thay were not as conscious of themselves or me. I cannot be sure.
As a parent I find it difficult to teach, no I dont mean academics but anything and every thing on the whole, for example I have not been able to make my son understand the value of being honest, the reason being at 38 I am not any more sure of its value (yet being aware of the fact that a price has to be paid for being one). I dont see too many people who are honest around me and neither am I 100% honest.
Truth in these times can be so twisted that its difficult to comprehend it in its real form. And then what is real?
I feel most of the things that we learn has to be unlearnt at a certain point in your life. I remember being told as a student that I should be careful of my belongings and should not loose and misplace them, I tried to impart the same to my child, and yes he tries to carry out the simple instruction with occassional goof-ups. I might have done the same in my childhood and have grown up to be a responsible person. I also have realised that things and belongings can be important to an extent and if you happen to loose them by chance one should also learn to let go and let be. This second lesson ofcourse I learned with time and experience. I feel the need to also make my child aware of the same but it would somehow be in contradiction to being responsible for your belongings (lesson number 1).
I knew parenting would be a journey that was tough but confusing????
Is it just me who is facing this dilemma.

I have not been around for some time, cause my computer is down, and even now I am writing this from a friend's computer. Surprisingly i have not had an anxiety attack for not being able to connect to the cyber world, though I think thats not such a good sign in these times eh? May be te whole pranayama thing is working for me. well I had some things to write but at this moment nothing is coming to my mind, may be my adrenlin is flowing a bit harder after my longtime reunion with the net.

Today in the newspaper I read this piece about this guy named Erik Weihenmayer, he happens to be the first blind man to reach the 29,035-foot summit of Mount Everest and also climb the seven summits of the world. He has also guided six blind Tibetan teenagers towards the 23,000-foot summit of Lhakpa Ri.
I found this news not only fascinating, awe-inspiring but also thought evoking.
I remember that when I was a child I was very scared of this blind salesman who used to sell Incense. His gait as he walked through the narrow lanes in late evenings and his way of advertising his product by screaming in a particular tone would have me scamper towards my mother. Well with time my fear was replaced by kindness or to be rather honest with pity.
Much later in life I saw this film called ‘Sparsh’ (The Touch) directed by a lovely lady called Sai Paranjpe, which actually touched my heart and helped me to distinguish between sympathy and empathy.
Today I don’t consider blindness to be a handicap at all, no I don’t think it’s a boon but I feel it’s a different way to live your life. It helps one to have a better and deeper understanding of the same.
The world is filled with too much of visuals at present; we see music instead of listening to it. Most of us would rather see a classic than read it, (I happen to be one of those people), observe similar lives on the television rather than introspect our own.
Nothing much is left to imagination, and with time and experience I have realized how important and powerful imaginations can be.
I remember imagining how Eskimos lived when I was a child (I didn’t have access to national geographic) or how did an igloo or an Anaconda look? Somehow today I feel that my imaginations were much more stronger and vivid than the real images. Yes I could be wrong but just a thought.
So no I don’t consider blindness to be a handicap any more. What do you think?

‘Ascent’, I was thinking about this word yesterday night, checked on the thesaurus today morning and it gave me a lot of options but I feel the word basically means to go up, rise, escalate.
If I have to visualize the word I see some not so clear picture of a rocket launch. The metal mass zooms fast into the space above leaving a trail of blazing flame.
Common people like me watch this ascent with wonder. With the passage of time of course we forget about the ship floating across the universe. Yes there are a few people keeping a close watch on its movements but the majority of us stay disconnected.
Must be lonely up there, what do you think? Wonder if the same happens to people who ascend in life at such a fast pace. Are they able to share their success or the feeling of achievement with others? May be with a few.
The other visual that I see is of a rock climber, Yes the rise is slow and the effort is much more physically visible to us and I feel he remains much more connected to us.
But you see any kind of ascent leaves behind something; as you climb up the ladder or the stairs or the mountains you start getting away from the world down below. How does that feel? Exhilarating, spine tingling, heady feeling eh? How long does that stay?
I don’t consider ascent as a journey, as I feel that a journey would involve both ascent and the descent. And the journey of life: - well that’s a different ball game all together.
It’s like a 360deegrees turn that brings you back to the same place where you started and yet when you look back it can be difficult to make out the person who initiated this journey.